The Rotary Connection

It has been a while since I blogged, which I apologize for. However, I have been thinking about this blog post for a while, so that counts, right?

I want to talk about my feelings. You have been warned.

I made the decision to study abroad in Jordan within about a week of learning about the CIEE program in Amman (with a little help from my Carleton study abroad advisor who had recently returned from visiting the program and encouraged me to take a look at it). At the time, I was having a pretty rough time at school, and I couldn't really figure out why. Too much work? Too hard? Not hard enough? I couldn't put my finger on then source of my depression, but it was there and effecting me daily. It didn't take me long to decide that I needed to get away again - away from Carleton, away from Northfield, and away from the United States and my comfortable life.

It is not until now, here in Jordan, that I am starting to put the pieces together. I returned from a year-long Rotary Youth Exchange to Brazil in the summer of 2011. I thought I was ready to return to the United States and start my life as a college student, and initially the transition went well. I spent most of my time working and studying and being a "college student," whatever that meant. I didn't spend much time dwelling on my year before. I missed Brazil, certainly, but I was too busy with my American life to think about it too much.

Spring term came around and I was miserable. Every day was a struggle and I lost all motivation and passion in my American, college life -- the life that I had planned entirely and completely. As I said, I could not figure out what the specific source of my despair was, and that was more frustrating than anything else. The only source of light at the end of the tunnel was my upcoming trip to Europe that summer. This was also the time that I made the last-minute decision to apply to study abroad in Jordan. It just seemed like the right thing to do, and somehow I knew that it would "help" me.

So, here I am. I spent the summer traveling around Europe, then returned home to work and prepared for Jordan, and then I left. I left my home, my friends, my family, my cat, my school, my schedule, my job. Everything that had made up my planned, organized American lifestyle was left at home. Again.

My experience here in Jordan is in every way different, and yet the same, as my experience in Brazil. The people are different, the landscape is different, the language is different . . . but my feelings are similar. I am frustrated daily. I am exhausted daily. I am challenged daily. I smile daily. I am FEELING daily.

That, I discovered, was the source of my despair this past year back in the U.S. When I boarded the plane leaving my year in Brazil behind me, that is also when and where I left my feelings. I didn't let myself cry or think about all the people and all the love I was leaving in Brazil - I focused on the future back at home in America. I threw myself into work and school and never let myself return to that airport in Belo Horizonte -- I never let myself mourn my year in Brazil. And because of that, I never learned how much it meant to me, and how much it had changed me.

Until now. Here I am, another 6,000-some miles away from my home in Minnesota, and I have discovered that I am more homesick for Brazil than I am for my own home (Sorry, Mom and Dad... I miss you, too!). I have been listening to my Brazilian music, watching the Brazilian news and novelas, and creeping on all the pictures of the current Rotary exchange students there. I am remembering my friends and my families, and all the people who were in my life in Brazil. All the people who taught me Portuguese, taught me the culture, taught me the new food, taught me the football teams, and above all, taught me to love.

As cheesy as it sounds (I am avoiding reading what I just wrote. . . ) that is the reality. In order to realize the full extent of what my year in Brazil meant to me, I needed to come here, to Jordan. Once again, I am going through the process of learning how to love again. I had lost that in the United States because I was not challenged to love it -- it was home, it was comfortable, of course I loved it! Because of this, I did not give myself time to feel any feelings that may have been hiding under all that fuzzy comfort. It is very easy to hide in your own culture, but as soon as you are forced out into the open, into the unknown, you don't know how to really feel. For me, I had hidden away a year's worth of feelings that I didn't know how to mix into my life in America. I couldn't make the connection, because I wasn't in an environment that forced me to make the connection.

Jordan has forced that connection. I am vulnerable, scared, and challenged here. Everything is new and different, and I am forced to think about things in new ways -- which is exactly what I needed. I can only hope that these next two months I will continue to learn more and more about my new world and life here in Jordan, and what it can add to my own story back in America.

I am so thankful for all of the opportunities I have been blessed with. I need to thank everyone who has made these last three years possible - first and foremost, my parents, who have supported me every minute of everyday (even when I came to them asking if I could study in the Middle East :) ), and then to Rotary International, especially my home district 5950/5960 and all the people at North Star Rotary who have led me through my year in Brazil and back, and of course Rotary District 4520 in Minas Gerais, Brasil and the Rotary Club of Sete Lagoas - Boa Vista who hosted me. To all my host families and friends in Brazil - I cannot begin to express my gratitude for all that you taught me. My heart is so full of love because of you all. I also need to thank the people at Carleton College who encouraged me to apply to study abroad and have made it possible for me to be here in Jordan today. Also, to the people at CIEE who have made this program possible. Finally, I would like to thank my host family here in Jordan who have been so welcoming and kind. I also need to extend a special thanks to another Rotary connection here in Amman - The Rotary Club of Amman West invited me to attend one of their district meetings this past week and once again Rotary demonstrated their kindness and support that extends beyond political and cultural boundaries.

عيد ميلادي

Two weekends ago I celebrated my 21st birthday. I think I can safely say that I had the most unique, and rather untraditional, 21st birthday experience than any other American can say they have had.

On the morning of Friday, September 14th (the first day of the weekend here in Jordan - the Muslim Holy Day of Rest is on Friday, so the weekends here are Friday and Saturday) I joined a group of seven other CIEE students outside of the University of Jordan where we met with our driver, Haashim. We piled into the van and started the three-ish hour drive south. The landscape transitioned from they city of Amman to straight desert. City to desert. Just like that. Fields of sand, dirt and sand brush were spotted with the occasional camel or shepherd with his donkey and herd of sheep and goats.

We arrived in the village of Dana early that afternoon and were greeted by one of the most incredible views:

Nestled on the edge of the great valley (on the left) is the Bedouin village of Dana. Dana rests on the edge of what is Jordan's largest nature preserve. This is the village where we would be staying the night. The village itself is definitely a work in progress - reconstruction progress, that is. It used to be a small farming village where its inhabitants grew all of their own food, etc. However, in the 60's the villagers began to migrate to the nearby larger town to work at the concrete plant. This left the town almost in ruins, until the creation of the nature reserve in 1989. This is when a group of men, including Khalid - a native of the town, and our tour guide for the weekend - joined forces to create a sustainable tourist attraction of the surrounding area and the town itself. The Dana Hotel, where we stayed, is part of a wider array of institutions that have organized the people and resources of the town to create a place that encourages sustainable living. 

Khalid, our Bedouin tour guide, is pictured on the left as he leads us on a brief walk through the small village. The photo on the right is non other than a recycling system - in Jordan! It's too bad Amman doesn't have this . . . 

The village has really embraced a true sense of eco-tourism. Khalid took us around the village and showed us not only recycling systems, but introduced us to some of the people who are living and working here creating products from the resources in Dana. This included a group of women who are silver workers making jewelry from the copper deposits in the area. Another (my favorite) place we went was the fruit processing center where a large group of women made homemade fruit leathers and jams from pomegranates, figs, olives and other fruits that are grown there in Dana.

 


After our tour of the town we all rested for a bit before we set out for our longer hike down and around the valley. We set out around 3 pm with Khalid leading the way. Along the way he would stop and point out the different plants around the area and talk about what they can be used for - the gummy substance from the roots of a wild onion plant make a great glue for broken shoes along, the sage plant used for tea and natural stomach relief, etc. One of the best parts was when he stopped in front of a grove of pomegranate trees, in which he climbed down into them and proceeded to toss us all pomegranates to snack on while we walked.

Munching on our pomegranates we continued down into the valley along rocky foot paths, scattered with remnants of fire pits from shepherds. Shepherds still use the valley during certain times of the year to graze their herds, but it is regulated. We stopped a couple of times for water breaks and rest breaks, in which we would sit among the rocks and cliffs and listen as Khalid talked about life in Dana. He talked about some of the other visiters who have come through, including U.S. Ambassadors, the King and Queen of Jordan, and then those crazy Spanish girls.

A couple of our breaks we seat ourselves on the edges of some rock faces and Khalid points out the different wildlife - the birds who nest in the cliffs, and then the marmots that scurry through the crevices in the valley. For much of the time we all sit in silence, just taking in our surroundings, listening to the birds. It was such a nice break from the city, we felt we had to enjoy every moment of relative silence we could get. Just towards the end of our last break the silence is interrupted by the sound of a cell phone going off - Khalid's cell phone. His wife. The moment so perfectly illustrated how life can still be simple and "organic", but coexist perfectly well with some of life's more modern "luxuries".

The hike back up the valley was a bit more difficult, but we were relieved to come across the "garden" area of Dana, near the water stream that trickles from the surrounding mountains. Some of the best water in Jordan, apparently - which, I politely refused to drink, knowing that my digestive tract may not recognize it as the "best" water. However, the "garden" did provide us with some more pomegranates and even grapes this time! One of the locals tossed us a bunch of grapes that just grow around there, and I think we all agreed that those were the best grapes we have ever had.

As we were returning to Dana we passed a family sitting around a fire who invited us to tea. Of course we accepted, and I was beginning to feel more and more like I was living one of those stories you read about in guide books - tea with the locals. We gathered around the fire with the family, who knew Khalid, of course. They offered us tea along with more pomegranates as well as some fresh walnuts from the trees above us. We cracked open the walnuts using the rocks on the ground. Yes. 

The family asked us the usual questions - where are we from? Why are we studying Arabic? etc. The unfortunate truth here in Jordan is that people can be kind of skeptical about people who are learning Arabic - especially Americans. One of the other members of the Co-op in Dana told us that a lot of people think that we are spies working for the CIA. The CIA has a large operation center here in Jordan, so this presumption may well be justified. However, we made sure to tell the family that we were here learning Arabic because we wanted to understand the culture through the language, as well as increase cross-cultural communication.

This leads me into another side note about the conversation we had with the other member of the Dana Co-op. We were talking with him the next morning about Arab perceptions of the U.S. It led into one of the most profound conversations I have had here in Jordan, and I was left feeling so moved I was close to tears - as were we all. It so happened that this weekend we were there was the same weekend when the anti-Islam film was starting to sweep throughout the Middle East. One of the first things he said to us was that he was sorry for what had happend in Libya with the death of the U.S. Ambassador. He said that the problem is that what people here know about America comes from the internet and the media, and unfortunately much of this is incredibly negative and hateful towards Arabs, which leads many here to believe that this is what all of America believes in. He told us that he knows that not all Americans are like that, and that he is reassured of this when he meets people like us. Like I said, we were all so moved and appreciative to hear this. We talked a while longer about how there is a huge problem with cross-cultural dialogue via the internet, because of how easy it is to say and create hateful messages when you are not face-to-face with someone. He said that the number one way to create better understanding and relations between the U.S. and the Arabs is to talk in person. Only then will a true conversation occur.

The entire weekend left me with a feeling of total reassurance that I have made the right choice of coming to live in Jordan for the semester. It was for moments and conversations like the one above, as well as the stories from Khalid, that I came here for. I truly believe that America's future relations with this region can be positive productive as long as more people can talk about things the way we talked about them this weekend. 

Like I said, my 21st birthday was one of a kind. Not every American can say that they remembered their 21st birthday, but I can say with 100% certainty that I will never, ever forget mine. 

(Above) My birthday cake! Thanks to everyone who made my birthday so special :)

(Above) The morning sun over the village of Dana. Photo taken from the rooftop of the Dana Hotel. 

What is Jordan?

I think that today, of all days, is an important time to post my first update since arriving here in beautiful Amman, Jordan.

September 11, 2001 will forever be etched into our memories as a day of destruction, anger, grief and fear. Eleven years later I find myself in the region where these attacks originated -- the Middle East. The place we have seen on the news almost every day since the end of 2001. The "Middle East" conjures images of war and messages of hate and anger - because that is all we have heard or seen for the past eleven years.

So, here I am. In the Middle East. In Amman, Jordan. Am I in the middle of a war? No (Thanks be to God). Do I see people walking around carrying guns? No. Are people yelling angry messages at me and about America? No. Not at all.

This is not the Middle East I have heard so much about.

This begs the question: Do I know anything about this region at all? Has the news been misleading?

The problem is not a lack of information -- it is a lack of the right kind of information. If all we see and learn about through the mainstream media in the United States is how dangerous and hateful a place is, that becomes the only thing we have to base our opinions and, in some cases, policies on.

What I see in Jordan is life. As simple as that. People get up in the morning, take their kids to school, go to work, get coffee and talk with their friends, go to the gym, stop at the grocery store on their way home, call their mothers, and watch the soap operas at night before heading to bed. There is so much life around me it is hard to get a break from it all!

In closing: I was walking to class today with two other girls, one American and one English, and the American said, "I still don't feel like I am in the Middle East. I just feel like I am, I don't know, somewhere. But not the Middle East." We both agreed.

This is not the Middle East we had heard so much about. 

This is Jordan.